A Word to the (Recovering) Wise

As the days grow shorter, colder and darker, people find themselves inclined to “batten down the hatches” and stay indoors. This time of the year is known in recovery circles as the “trifecta” (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years). This trifecta creates a very seductive season, with all the commercials, parties, office treats and overabundance of all things sweet, so folks in recovery need to make a very conscious decision to re-commit to sobriety.

If the holidays are for you a joyous time filled with fun and family, relaxation and enjoyment, then hats off to you! If, on the other hand, work is scarce, money is tight, and you are not optimistic about what comes next, or if spending time with family feels like a root canal without Novocain, or simply more of an endurance test than a Norman Rockwell moment, the holidays may require all the determination you can muster to keep yourself sane and content.

Determination to stay sane and content starts with taking stock of what you have and reflecting on ways you can change to meet conditions as they are, recalling you have no control over people, places and things. Regardless of how you feel about the holidays, it is always a good time to think about what you are grateful for, and despite the current difficulties, how it is better than your pre-recovery days of confusion and turmoil.

Remember also that the holiday season, whether good or not so good, will pass – so don’t make decisions about the worth of your life when things are tough…it gets better…nothing stays the same.

The trifecta gives up the opportunity to go to a lot of meetings, reach out to others, and try to find the goodness in as many places as we can!

Making the Most of the Holidays

The holiday season is once again upon us. Do you welcome it? Dread it? Get depressed by it? Is your sobriety challenged during this season? Most of us have some understandably jaded feelings about the holidays, the annoyingly early and unrelenting commercialism, the non-stop media portrayals of idealized family gatherings, the presumption of abundance, and the pressure to spend beyond our means. In addition, memories, losses, unfulfilled hopes and dreams, and now economic reversals and uncertainties can take the luster off of a season that once held expectations of excitement and delight. The following tips may be helpful in not becoming a victim of the season:

Manage your mind: Depression thrives in that petri dish of negative thought about oneself, others, or life in general. A powerful causal relationship exists between what we think and believe, and what we feel emotionally. Negative thoughts beget negative feelings, which beget negative expectations, which beget negative behaviors, which create a cycle of negativity. An effective way to fend off depression involves being willing to become aware of when your thinking is veering into negative territory, and then consciously and deliberately taking it back into happier territory. Managing your mind takes determination, patience, persistence, and practice. And as with any exercise, you gradually build muscle – mental muscle! And you will gradually feel better and better, both emotionally and physically, the mind-body connection now being a well-established medical fact. A good starting point might be to remind yourself of all you have to be grateful for. Gratitude and depression cannot co-exist for long. An “attitude of gratitude” will change your life.

Participate and give: If you are one of the lucky ones whose life has been transformed by working the steps of AA or another 12-Step program, you are likely to have practiced, in one way or another, all of what is written here, and have learned repeatedly the joy of giving service, lending a hand, 12th-stepping. But you, too, may need the extra support and inspiration of the Program, its members, and its wisdom at this time of year. The opportunities for growth keep presenting themselves, and the Program never fails to offer perspective and hope. Keep going back.

Define your goals: Take charge and ask yourself, “What can I do to make this (or something else) better?” In other words, don’t be a sad victim. Do you want more control over your calendar orpractice management? Call LOMAP. Do you want more energy? Join a gym. Do you want a better relationship with your spouse? Talk (and listen) with him/her about it. Do you want to learn to deal with stress? Call LCL. These self-empowering steps help defeat depression. And when it comes to the holidays, ask yourself what you can do to make it a little happier for yourself and others. And, then, act.

Yes, act! A symptom of depression is helplessness. But helplessness is an illusion, often quite a persuasive or seductive one, but still an illusion. The truth is, if we’re willing, we can all dodge
that sense of defeat by exerting some control over our own lives. (Trying to change someone else is a futile substitute, guaranteed to fail and increase misery.) Acting in our own behalf often involves maintaining a determined attitude, and may require the use of various sources of support such as family, friends, your spiritual community, or LCL.

Take care of yourself, personally and professionally: Respect yourself by taking care of yourself, and you will enjoy better mental and physical health. When you treat yourself with respect, others are likely to do the same. We all know what good self-care means: eat nutritious food and avoid the more available junk food – but enjoy the holiday treats within reason. Sleep – at least 7 hours a day, more if necessary or possible, and take a mid-afternoon nap. Read a good book, take a walk in the woods, have breakfast with friends, go for a run, drop a bad client, or take your spouse to the movies.

Laugh: Especially at yourself. Resist taking things too seriously. Humor doesn’t mean you don’t take your work seriously; it just acknowledges a wider perspective. Keep the funny bone in gear so the kid inside can come out to play when the time right, be goofy even, have some belly laughs; it refreshes both the brain and the spirit and wards off depression. The people you make laugh will always be happy to see you coming.

Plan a vacation: It does not have to be the extravagant trip of a lifetime, although it can be, but plan your vacation time. (If you lack a travel companion, join a tour, or a club; then you’ll have many.) And don’t underestimate the value of one-minute vacations: close your eyes, relax your body, and envision yourself doing what you love. As with laughter, envisioning doing something, or being somewhere you adore refreshes mind and body and can lead to action that turns it into reality. If you can allow yourself to take a vacation.

Adjust your expectations: As a group, lawyers tend to enjoy challenges and set high expectations for themselves, especially at work. For some, seductive financial rewards for unreasonable productivity demands serve to reinforce a potentially destructive imbalance. This is a good time of year to re-evaluate priorities in favor of that which enhances year-’round peace and harmony in both spheres of life – professional and personal, work and love. (Of course, such re-balancing acts can represent a major change and must be carefully thought out, and discussed and planned in conjunction with others who would be affected, maybe even feel threatened, by them.) Balance helps create the conditions for health and happiness.

Change one thing: As creatures of habit and routine, we all know how tough change can be. It’s best to start slow and let the momentum build. Choose just one thing that you can realistically do differently. Consider what will have to shift (Fewer clients? Less TV? Making your own lunch to pay for housecleaning, a babysitter, gym membership? Less complaining?), and evaluate your willingness to make them. Journal your efforts, slips and progress. Keep visual reminders everywhere (write on your bathroom mirror, car windshield, or refrigerator). Enlist the support of a friend, consultant, or counselor to hold you accountable to your intention. Incremental changes are more likely to become habitual. Taking charge of one’s own life is empowering and confidence building and counteracts depression.

Finally, compassionate and good-humored self-acceptance greatly enhances our capacity for genuine enjoyment of ourselves and of others. A healthy, reality-based love of self, warts and all, generates and attracts more love. And love always partners with happiness.

Firm Future Conference Returns for 2011; Free Registration for LCL Blog Readers

The Firm Future Conference, taking place December 1, is put on by the Warren Group and co-sponsored by Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers, the Law Office Management Assistance Program, the Massachusetts Bar Association, and other Massachusetts legal stakeholders. The conference will feature programs on social media marketing, business development (including law practice start-up), mobile practice, alternative billing, work-life balance and more. Rodney Dowell, executive director of LCL; Barbara Bowe, clinician at LCL; and, Jared Correia, law practice advisor at LOMAP, will combine to appear on several conference panels. Nationally prominent experts presenting at the conference include: Larry Bodine (http://www.larrybodine.com/), of Lawyers.com (http://www.lawyers.com/); Reid Trautz (http://reidtrautz.typepad.com/), of the American Immigration Lawyers Association (http://www.aila.org/); Susan Cartier Liebel (http://solopracticeuniversity.com/about/about-history/_, of Solo Practice University (http://solopracticeuniversity.com/); Jay Shepherd (http://prefixllc.com/jay-shepherd/), of Prefix, LLC (http://prefixllc.com/); and, Alan Klevan (http://www.lawpracticestrategies.com/?page_id=2), of Klevan & Klevan, LLP (http://klevan.hytech.org/).

Visit the Firm Future Conference website (http://www.firmfutureconference.com/), for the complete agenda (http://www.firmfutureconference.com/agenda/index.html), including a full roster of speakers.

LCL Blog (http://lclma.blogspot.com/) readers can register for the program for FREE through November 17.

Click here (http://www.firmfutureconference.com/forms/attendeereg?company=Lawyers%2BConcerned%2BFor%2BLawyers) to register for the conference for free, compliments of LCL.

When You Feel Trapped in Your Work

Even at a time like this, when most employed people (lawyers and others) are happy to have a job, we recurrently meet lawyers who feel suffocated and stuck in work settings that we have come to refer to as “toxic.” It is crucial, in such circumstances, to work toward a plan of escape, whether that is ultimately by way of leaving the job, effecting changes on the job, or finding better ways to cope, internally, with the situation.

Sometimes, as Sartre asserted in No Exit, “Hell is other people.” While the most obvious hellish person at work may be the boss (such as a law firm partner who applies great pressure but offers no support, or an experienced but burnt out attorney who offloads all difficult cases to his/her underling), coworkers, support staff, and draining clients can also exert a poisonous effect.

Sometimes the accumulating impact of spending months or years in such circumstances results in observable symptoms of stress, anxiety, or depression, manifested for example by sleeplessness, poor concentration, feeling paralyzed in thinking, or even getting panic attacks. (The self-tests at LCLMA.org can be one way to evaluate these syndromes.) Less overt are effects such as increased physical illness, deteriorated relationships, and declining self-esteem or regard for the profession.

One of the most useful psychological tools ever to come down the pike is the Serenity Prayer, well known to anyone familiar with 12-step meetings, and originally composed (with slightly different wording but making the same points) by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. It distinguishes between things that are outside an individual’s realm of influence, which must be accepted (e.g., the culture of this law firm is unlikely to change) , and those areas in which a person does have potential impact, if one summons the “courage” (e.g., self-assertion with key figures who may have the capacity to listen, acquiring new skills, getting outside help, or changing one’s own ways of perceiving and defining negative situations). Both approaches require developing a level of awareness/ability to self-observe, and a degree of cognitive flexibility.

A major advantage to gaining this kind of perspective is that it can decrease the sense of entrapment and passivity, which in turn is likely to improve one’s mood, outlook, and readiness to grasp opportunities for positive change when they present themselves. It is also important to realize that we are each responsible to prioritize our own wellbeing (including health, some kind of balanced life, some gratification in each day) – external people or environments may severely challenge our personal needs, but they do not hold all the cards.

Many lawyers seem to forget that they need not be completely alone in facing such stresses. Although no one, including LCL, can swoop in and come to the rescue, there is value in having sources of information, new perspectives and tools, emotional support, etc. There is no reason to go it alone.

Our Heroes

Observed annually each September, “Recovery Month” sponsored by the US Department of Health & Human Services, promotes the societal benefits of treatment for substance use and mental disorders, celebrates people in recovery, lauds the contributions of treatment providers, and promotes the message that recovery in all its forms is possible.

What better time to recognize the success of LCL’s founding members whose commitment to sobriety, perseverance in recovery, generous sharing with their peers of experience, strength & hope, time energy & resources proved time and again that new life awaited the recovering alcoholic. As lives were healed, families salvaged, careers restored, and self-respect regained, our early recovering members, like those entering recovery today, became a source of inspiration and hope to others.

The challenges of recovery faced by our senior membership, however, were somewhat different from those of today. Extensive research conducted over the last 30 years has dispelled much of the ignorance about addiction and alcoholism that gave rise to social stigma and moral judgments. But in those days, discussions of the topic and the afflicted were conducted in hushed tones, or with angry indignation and condemnation. The alcoholic, already disempowered by his disease, was further disabled by disgrace and shame and by consequent deepening isolation. In view of the attitudes of the day, their recovery is all the more courageous and heroic.

Thankfully, things have changed. In the last few days the headlines proclaim that addiction, far from representing the moral issue of yesterday, is a “chronic brain disorder,” with observable and measureable physiological and neurochemical mechanisms that differ from those not afflicted. While this might make the disease a target for high-stakes pharmaceutical interventions, and perhaps a re-categorization by insurance companies, it also, we hope, supports the growing body of evidence that the alcoholic is not to be judged and condemned but medically treated and supported with compassion. Ideally, this information will enable physicians, who are often not comfortable raising the subject of alcohol and illicit drug use with their patients, to now more comfortably make such screening a routine part of their physical exams. And we can hope that its treatment, including relapse prevention, will be viewed like other chronic conditions, such as heart disease, as a long-term endeavor.

‘”The behavioral problem [associated with addiction] is a result of brain dysfunction,” agrees Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, which estimates that 23 million Americans need treatment for substance abuse but only about 2 million get that help. She adds that doctors and families alike need to know that the frustration of relapse is common for a chronic disease. This expanded understanding of addictive behavior, including alcoholism, does not alter the diagnostic criteria. Symptoms remain the same, and typically boil down to behaviors that are repeated despite the harmful consequences to health, occupation, family, finances, social connections, or legal status. And the affected individuals still have to do the challenging work of recovery, i.e., change their behavior, an effort best made using appropriate treatment resources and recovery supports.

Many recovering alcoholics will hasten to say that alcoholism defined as a “chronic brain disorder” is not new information to them. They learned about their disease and what they had to do to manage it from the Big Book, from meetings and their peers in AA, from the self-discovery made possible by their work with their sponsors and therapists and 12 Steps, and from the perspective afforded by their own lives transformed from bondage to freedom. How could anyone have anything but deep respect for those who have confronted their disease, met the difficult challenge of behavioral change, addressed old wounds to self and others, and who keep moving forward, one day at a time - ever mindful of where they have been, of those who have helped them on their journey and those now in need of their support. Is a more complete life possible? LCL is proud of its members, and still considers it a privilege and priority to support and serve those in recovery, and those seeking recovery.